Confidence | Becoming Me
I posted a photo the other day on my beauty Instagram account and by "posted" I mean pushed the post aside for days, struggled hitting the post button and then stayed off my phone for a couple hours after finally posting it. Not to mention the time it took to even get the shots I got and all the other countless times I've taken "style" photos and deleted them.
It made me realize that I had never dived deep into sharing my struggle with confidence. It's a huge factor in my becoming me journey and one I may bring up from time to time. While I plan to break down and share most about myself for you to have a better understanding of me... That will have to wait for a day I feel stronger to do so.
This isn't just a jab at my outside appearance. My confidence struggles are far worse than just how I see myself on the outside. The mental struggle of self-doubt is a happy killer. It has leeched on to me for most of my life. So what a douche bag told me I wasn't good enough as a child... That's my duty to hold on to and have self-doubt for the rest of my life? Fuck no. It's this toxic energy that someone threw at me and my mind thinks it has to stay there.
Of course, your body changes over time. In my case, it was weight gain from depression. I had this thought of I'm never going to love myself or have confidence until I lose this weight. You can see how that toxicity stayed with me. So this first bit on confidence is... It doesn't start with weight loss. Sure you may lose a few pounds and feel great about it... That's completely fine, but self-love is finding confidence and when you realize it's the inside you have to love first then it all starts making sense.
xx - Ally
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ReplyDeleteI’m so glad I found this. I’ve been struggling a lot with confidence and getting trapped in other people’s idea of me. It helps knowing I’m not alone and that there’s another way to think about it, putting yourself first and loving yourself is the most important thing. You’re such a gorgeous girl and your so right about telling that toxic energy to fuck off. I won’t forget it, thank you for being so vulnerable.
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